I just turned in my essay and the rest of the forms and have been told that they will reach a decision by tomorrow regarding who of the three of us applying gets to go to London next semester to study abroad. I'm nervous, of course; I really want to go and hope I'll be chosen, but it's officially and literally out of my hands now. It would be a really cool experience, though, and I've never been so far from home for so long before in my life.

But! Such thoughts are poison. What will happen, will happen, and I've done all I can. Either way, another, shorter (two weeks) trip to London is supposedly coming up this summer, so if I don't get to go for a semester, maybe I'll get to go for at least a short trip anyway.

But anyway. I finally got around to replying to all of my messages earlier today and hopefully will have time to formulate some RP responses by this weekend (I know it's been a while, but hey, we're all busy).

Over the weekend my school had Fall Break, meaning I got Monday and Tuesday off, so I took a little trip with some friends down to visit another friend about four to five hours away (four if you drive like a maniac, five if there's traffic). It was... good. Better than good, it was awesome. I had a lot of fun and got to spend time with a good friend of mine, and I did some more thinking about the future.

Yes, the future. Boo-hiss. I somehow can't forget that I only have one year left at this school before I have to figure out what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. I've given some thought to pursuing my MFA in creative writing, but it always seems to come back to "what can I do with that?" You know, to make money and stuff. I'm trying to be pragmatic and realistic, but I don't really have any interest in teaching at this point (too much pressure) and that seems to be all anyone else can think of when it comes to utilizing an English degree. I've been thinking that I'd like to work in publishing, but I need to do a bit more research into the field and figure out exactly what that would entail. I'd hate to get there only to find I hate the work.

Frankly, my only true passion is for writing, so getting an MFA makes sense, but I'm a little too realistic (fatalistic?) to really believe I can survive on that alone.

And yes, I realize that I'm going to have to get a day job to support myself while the economy is in the crapper, I'm talking long-term goals here.

Which more or less brings me to the subject of location. I don't want to live in my home town forever; I discovered during the Long Summer of Unemployment that, while I love my family and the few friends I still have there... I'm just not happy there. An unhappy Butterflie is a lethargic, unproductive Butterflie, who ends up not writing, which only makes her more unhappy. My college town has lost much of the spark, magic, and new-ness that originally drew me here, but from time to time I still feel it. It'll probably last me to the end of my senior year and then it'll be time to move on, but I've always suspected that.

Which leaves me... where? The truth is I've felt homeless (so to speak) and in-between for a few years now, possibly ever since graduating from high school. I love to travel and see new places, but at the same time I long for a place to call my own and really call home.

My weekend trip stirred a possibility that's been lurking on the back burner of my mind for a while now. It could just be the people I'm with whenever I visit that city, but when I'm there I feel... peaceful, I suppose. Less troubled, anyway, though God knows we experience plenty of troubles within that group. Maybe settled is the word I'm looking for, like I can perch there with some confidence for a while.

In any case, since coming back from there, I've been feeling better. I'm the least creatively blocked I've been in a while and (after being deleted for the sixth time on offense of suckage) chapter eight of Kingdom Come is trucking along. I've also been thinking of Rhapsody in Red. Anyone remember that bit of purple prose I worked on a few summers ago? I think I'd like to finish that. As I recall, I left Armand in a rather dire situation. I refuse to promise any chapters for anything within any time frame (we all know how well that's worked in the past, which is to say it hasn't) but know I'm at least writing, which usually means all is well in Butterflie-land.

That's all for now. Cheers!